


That Which Is Dead

by Ruuger



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 17:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9617519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruuger/pseuds/Ruuger
Summary: Buffy and Spike return to the ruins of Sunnydale on the trail of a necromancer.  Hijinks ensue.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brutti_ma_buoni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brutti_ma_buoni/gifts).



> Happily ignores the comics and assumes that Buffy and Spike are in an established relationship. Feel free to imagine yourself how they got there :)

When they reached the Sunnydale city limits, Spike and Buffy parked the car and continued on foot. The place had not changed in the years since they had last visited it. To wit, it was still a huge hole in the ground. 

Buffy walked to the edge of the crater and peered into the darkness below. "Ugh. If I'd known what we were going to be doing today, I'd have worn different boots."

Spike lit a cigarette and looked down at Buffy's feet. Neither his night vision nor his fashion sense could tell Buffy's current shoes apart from the ones she usually wore to patrol. 

"Since when are you one for sensible footwear?"

"Since I bought these boots. Do you know how hard it is to get demon ick and blood off suede?" 

Spike snorted. "Oh the terrible travails of a slayer."

Buffy glared at him. "Oh, I'll travail you, mister, if you don't shut up." She snatched the cigarette from between Spike's lips. "And I thought you quit smoking."

"I didn't quit, _you_ quit on behalf of me." 

She tossed the cigarette into the crater. "Welcome to the 21st century, Spike. Nobody smokes anymore." 

"I hate to interrupt your public service announcement about the dangers of smoking while already dead, but aren't you forgetting something? Such as why were here?"

"I know, I know, great prophecy, a necromancer will raise the master, the armies of darkness will follow, end of the world as we know it, yada yada, the usual stuff." She looked at her shoes again and sighed. "I guess we have to check it out. But if this turns out to be a bust just like last week's prophecy, I'll make Giles pay for a new pair."

She grabbed a bundle of cables protruding from the ground, and lowered herself into the crater. 

Spike waited until she was out of sight and lit another cigarette. "Cool people smoke," he muttered, and followed her down.

* * *

Their long descent into the Hole Previously Known as Sunnydale did little to improve Buffy's mood. 

"What is it with everyone always trying to raise the Master? Why can't they try to raise, like, puppies or something." She paused. "No, wait. I'm not sure I like the idea of zombie puppies either. I mean, I think I'd like puppy zombies better than vampire zombies, or zombie zombies but- " 

She was interrupted by the sound of chanting coming from somewhere behind the small hill of rubble a few hundred yards from them. She tapped Spike's arm to catch his attention, and pointed towards the sound. He nodded, and they split up, Spike taking the left side of the hill as she took the right. They'd been patrolling together for so long that there was no need for words anymore.

They found the necromancer near where the Sunnydale High once stood. 

He was standing in the middle of a glowing circle of fire, the blue flames creating occult shapes as they crept across the ground.

When he saw them, he smiled. "It's too late, Slayer. There is nothing that you and your vampire consort can do to stop me. I shall raise the Master and become the most powerful-"

He was cut short when Buffy closed the space between them with a few quick strides and punched him in the face.

The necromancer crumbled down into an unconscious heap, and the flames were snuffed out, leaving them in a darkness. Spike gave the necromancer a small kick.

"He's down for a count," he said, and then looked around. "I think we stopped him in time, but it might be best if we had a look around, just in case- Gaah!"

An shot up from the ground and grabbed Spike's ankle. He jumped back, frantically kicking his leg to free himself, and then fell backwards when the hand came off the ground, still clinging to his leg even after it was severed. 

Buffy ran to help him, but stopped when on the ground a grimy face opened its eyes and smiled.

"Put your bottom button bingo, partner!" said the cheerful voice of the Buffybot. It frowned, and then closed its eyes and said: "Please hold, running self-diagnostics. Refactoring language memory. Rebooting system."

Buffy stared at the bot and then at the necromancer. "How can you even make a zombie robot?"

Next to her Spike tried to pry off the fingers of the severed hand, which were still tightly wrapped around his ankle. 

"It's Sunnydale, love. What did you expect. Just be glad it wasn't a rain of zombie puppies."

The bot opened her eyes again, and then gave Spike a wide smile.

"Spike! My hero! You have come to rescue me! How can I ever repay your-" Suddenly her eyes unfocused and her voice became mechanical and low: "ERROR CODE 536 LOWER BODY NOT AVAILABLE SEARCHING FOR ALTERNATIVES"

She blinked, and her voice returned back to normal.

"Spike! My hero! If you could just kneel down and straddle my m-"

Spike jumped back, brandishing the hand. "No! No rewarding!" She looked at Buffy, three hands raised in surrender. "No rewarding."

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "What should we do with her?"

Spike shrugged. "Remove her batteries and put her in recyclables? Take her home? You always say you wish you had a second pair of hands when you're patrolling." 

Buffy was about to object, and then reconsidered. "And with my newly found free time, I could take an art class. Or start scrap booking."

The bot looked from Spike to Buffy, her smile widening. "I have also been programmed for hot girl on girl action."

Spike took another step away from Buffy, just in case.

Buffy shrugged. "Or maybe I'll keep on patrolling and let her do the scrapbooking."


End file.
